I Remember

I never really thought about before how truly unique a place Fort Smith, the place of my birth really is. On a normal day you could walk down to the Rocks and watch the pelicans feed, maybe some rockpops, get back up the hill, go fishing, go see a herd of bison, visit a colony of snakes, go to Pine Lake and go for some lake fun or get on Fort Smith's own world class kayaking whitewater and brave the Rapids of the Drowned. There's mudbeaches, claybeaches, sandbeaches, tons of forest and the Wood Bison National Park to check while mountainbiking or just strolling around in the short but hot summer. I've seen +40 back home in the summer a few times. I used to just like watching and listening to the rapids. They're like a roar I haven't really heard elsewhere yet and you don't realize how strong it really is till you haven't seen it in awhile. This one biddy of ours A would take us boating and it was the bomb out at the cabins. Just basking in the sun, floating around in a tub, going tubing, or K's cabin. Haha. Good times. Pedalboating around like we owned the place. One time there was an anthrax outbreak in the bison herd and we still went to Pine Lake and they were burning bison bodies across the river. We called it the anthrax party. Or the arcade, Conibear Park and the riverview boardwalk. One time when I was a kid at school my dad was working nights then and sleeping at the time and a bear tried to break into the sliding glass backdoor! Good thing my dad was packing. Or I was biking on the highway this one time and a beaver came out of a culvert, gave me a disgusted look and jumped back into the culvert. I swear that beaver had a contemptious look. I remember one time as a kid driving with my dad and a flock of wild chickens ran out into the road and we ran over a few of them by accident and so did the other oncoming truck, haha. One time traffic had to be swerve because a porcupine decided to walk straight down main drag for awhile like he owned the place. There was this huge ditch that was like a mini lake that we'd put styrafoam stuffed pallets into the water and ride them and push ourselves around like makeshift canoes and one time someone fell into the water and it was May so it was still in the minuses at night. Man that guy was cold. One time a bat was flying around in my buddies house so he grabbed a tennis racket and swatted it right out of the air. We used to jump off my buddies lofts onto the couches like wannabe stuntmen. In the summer there the trees glow a brigt green, green everywhere. Infinite skies that shoot out color and contrast. I remember great campfires too, those smores. Haha. I remember these guys I knew way back built the craziest system of treeforts that were more like treecabins with multilevels and connected to the other treecabins.

Self Realization

I'm beginning to realize that in my time I have talked alot of shit, talked a big game and said so many things over the years I have no idea what it adds up to. What I now know is is that without taking responsibility for the direction of my own life, what good are all these big ideas? What good is a bunch of big talk without the action to back it up? Sooner or later people realize their own hollowness and see room for self improvement. All the excuses in the world can't take away failure or self destruction and accomplishment can't be taken away either. Sometimes life humbles you but for the better, sometimes you humble yourself by letting your weaknesses defeat your strengths. No one ever hears about the good you do, strangers only hear about the bad. We all have our weaknesses, it's how you deal with them that make you stand out in life. I don't want anymore excuses from myself to myself anymore, that's bunk and lame and ridiculous. I am thankful for all my friends, family and anyone else who has given me the love and support over the years and now that I think of it they deserve a better me, a me that is more intune with myself than worrying about what others think. Time for a new outlook. Cheers.